IT'S A PROCESS NOT AN EVENT
This falling in love thing.
Falling in love and knowing you have is a vital first step but it is ONLY the first step. Then you have to begin the process (and it IS a process) of learning how to BE a couple, learning how to merge two individuals into one unit without sacrificing the individual elements of either of them. Eventually you will have to start to learn how to live together. It is a complex ritual but every step is crucial to the ultimate success of any relationship. Ours would be no different. We were going to have to learn what each other thinks about things, how one feels about different issues, tastes and choices. You have to accept that the other person has a past that occurred before you met and how do you handle that including past relationships. Even sex which most I am sure would think is a simple enough thing to navigate is NOT when you are newly together.
In every relationship no matter the nature of it, you have to each come to a place where you feel secure. If not you doom the relationship to failure for you will always feel somewhat off balance and that bodes ill for the union. You need that in every way from the simplest things in everyday life to sex to friendships with others and as your sense of security in this newly created union of two disparate human beings evolves and solidifies it becomes easier to negotiate the changes that also need to come before the transition from ONE-dom to togetherness is complete.
Joey and I from day one (of this newest phase in our relationship) would need extra patience, extra tolerance, and time but if we bear in mind that our conjoined future is job #1, we knew we would ultimately make it and be fine for the long haul. That doesn't make that process smooth or even easier but it does make it a bit more of a certainty than without it.
Joey said that first day when he called me back in February of 2015 that he felt this was something that just had a feel of inevitability to it. Not his exact words but that was certainly the gist...and ever since then when we have had set-to's or arguments, (sometimes pretty heated)...I have said repeatedly WE STILL KEEP COMING BACK TO EACH OTHER. Most couples would have given up long before now having gone through even a fraction of the shit we have gone through. My heart attack, his pneumonia, strep throat, and thrush (simultaneously mind you)...and now his 6 fractured vertebrae. Most would not have survived that amount of shit and nonsense, but we have and I just figure there is a reason for that. One possibility IS that WE ARE MEANT. Come hell or high water, we are supposed to be together and it is not that we could choose to deny that but neither of us could or would ever derive the best from life if we did. I truly believe that. Yes, you can always choose what is not in your best interest but if you do YOU are the big loser. So, I keep trying and so does he and we just keep striving to find what is the blueprint for US. Learning another person and driving the bus toward the life where the two people involved find it the best they could hope for by being a couple is rarely easy. But it often makes you stronger both as individuals and as a couple. Couple of what we ain't too sure.
When two strong individuals try to lessen what makes them strong as singles, this phase often presents unique challenges to the merging process. It is normal for anyone to struggle against any attempts to make them seemingly less as an individual but that HAS to happen to strengthen both as a COUPLE.
Love requires the BEST of both people but not always ALL of each person cause you have to make room inside you for the heart of the other. Both have to share their positive characteristics while throwing aside the negatives, in a perfect world. This world sadly is rarely perfect and relationships are no exception. Some seem to find it easier than others, but merging is required and whether easy or not, it has to be.
For as much as I write about love and relationships, and some I would suppose consider me some sort of love guru (nothing could be further from the truth), I don't pretend to have all the answers. I DO KNOW what love is NOT, but what it IS I am still learning and a lot of the reason for that is I suspect that while love does have a lot of hard-and-fast generally always true aspects to it, for the most part it is UNIQUE to every couple and individual who become participants in the process. LOVE is one of those things that you cannot cookie-cutter to knock out a template that will work for everyone. That just never works and why would you want it to? Part of the fun/challenge/adventure is that it ISN'T and it IS that it has a unique blueprint for you and your partner carefully crafted and beautifully choreographed and virtually NEVER what WE in our infinite dumbassness would have designed and that is a given.
Having said that, the love Joey and I share is so unique I am not sure there is a conceptual plan at all. It's more like throwing shit against the wall to see what sticks. LOL. You would be amazed what does and NO I am not sharing that. HEHEHE.
Yes, Joey and are had to spend a considerable amount learning as most newly together couples do. WE STILL ARE and probably always will be learning each other. How many of you dear readers meet ANYONE in your life and instantly know EVERYTHING to know about them and everything about how to be with that person perfectly, whether friend or that and more. YOU HAVEN'T? Bingo. No. NOBODY does. SO, you have to learn that person. What makes them tick, tock, and rock around this thing called life. Now, once you have a bit of a feel for someone, once you begin to get a handle on what they are like and how you mesh, BAM. Curves come at you. He or she does this or that you didn't know about and UH OH. Does that make a difference? Be honest. Does it and should it?
Love and relationships take not only time to figure everything out (and you never totally do) but they take commitment, patience, faithfulness, faith, and what I call stick-to-it stuff. You gotta roll with the punches, punch with the rolls, and land on your feet while the world takes a minute to catch up and so do your tummy and heart. But in EVERY relationship that succeeds, at some point YOU have to decide if this is THE person for you and YES they are worth the cost and there always is one. But if it is good, it's OH SO WORTH IT.
Yup. Worth it and then some.
"Honey, I love you." The most beautiful words in the English or any other language, when spoken by the one who makes you tingle all over. Especially when lying in bed touching from head to toe and knowing he is 'THE ONE'.
Every night you go to bed with him, sleep next to him all night, and the next morning you wake up next to him or if you are lucky...in his arms, and he is STILL THERE. Your heart beats a bit faster, the waking up is a bit sweeter...waking up listening to his soft breathing, loving how his chest rises a bit and falls a bit and repeat. If his head is slightly turned to you, you can feel his warm sweet breath on your cheek and you can't stand it. You lean in and feel his lips which makes you shudder a bit and then maybe he opens one eye and begins a slow wide smile.
GOD that is SO good.
CHAPTER 7
OPENING NIGHT JITTERS
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