WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, NEVER MIND HOW
I remember it was a late spring night my senior year in high school and almost to finals. It had been a warm day but the nights still were remaining unusually cool for mid-May...and so a group of us who had been studying together decided that instead of a dip in the pool we would head into town and go to a movie to break the monotony of homework and prepping for finals.
I don't remember what the movie was that we saw, probably something totally unmemorable, but during intermission it happened. Suddenly as I made my way down one of the two staircases to the already crowded and fast filling up lobby, I looked across the room and there he was.
I didn't have a clue who HE was, but all I DID know is...HE WAS.
BIG TIME HE WAS.
I felt my heart go bling, my bling went bling bling and at the very first sight of him my knees damn near betrayed my normally uber-kewl demeanor which would have not been at all kewl, Actually, I have never been all that kewl (uber or otherwise) but instead very very shy and I try to cover that with a sense of what often comes across as arrogance or detachment when in truth I have never been either one. Creative types often have to struggle with expressing themselves in ways that involve emotions other than in the way they usually do when creating. Painting, sculpting, or like me...writing. Writing and music. Those two things define me pretty much to a T.
I looked and couldn't stop looking down and across and finally when my mind once again found the way to my feet...ordered them to move and down the stairs I went DETERMINED to find this, this...this...
I didn't know. For someone who would eventually become a successful author, I was failing miserably at finding the words to express what I was feeling at that moment. Breathless with fear, surprise, whatever...I went. BUT, when after I had pushed and shoved and elbowed my way across the crushing sea of bodies in the lobby below me to where I had seen him, DAMN. He was gone. Whoosh. Disappeared. CRAP!
I was devastated without even really knowing why for what I had done was TOTALLY out of character for me. ME? Chasing after a GUY? ME? WTF?
See, I had as yet to come to terms with my 'orientation' and in truth a lot of other things too, like those normally reserved for pre-pubesence or early adulthood but I was sheltered, sad to say. Yup. In fact I had been so sheltered that I was frequently accused of having been raised by wolves in the forest. LOL. So, I was and still am GAY, but blissfully unaware of it. Ignorant but hopeful. I had had certain feelings for a long time but credited them to indigestion, flukes, teen drives sexual or otherwise, etc. Never ONCE did I consider I might be one of 'them', aka 'THE GAY'. Even though all the classic signs had been there from earliest memory and I had never found girls at all attractive sexually or romantically. Friends yes, anything more NO. Absolutely NO. Definitely NO. MY GOD. How much more evidence does even an emotional teen dunce like me need. Lot more evidently, or maybe just have needed some outrageously hunky dude to come show me who I really am. Could THIS DUDE BE 'THE ONE?' Like I said, NOT A CLUE. Not me anyway. Him? Well, we shall see.
"This can't be happening," I told myself. Repeatedly.
"I must be asleep, in my bed at home, and dreaming of someone else from another planet more than likely," but it was no good. Pinching myself didn't do any good either. Nope, here I was...TOTALLY AWAKE, which left me with neither an explanation for my behavior NOR a good excuse why I had just gone insane. "ME? Going all gooey inside and bonkers and sweating profusely and knowing I wanted to know him? ME? No. AHHH, but sad to say, yes. Pfui.
This was the VERY FIRST TIME I had ever seen whatshisname (didn't know at this point and GOD I wanted to...trust me) and being a newbie at such matters, I was not only devastated but CRUSHED in a way that only upper teenage virgins with delusions of sophistication can be. OH MAH GAWD, MY HERO HAS VANISHED, followed by a volley of tears suitable for entry in the waterworks olympics. NEVER LET IT BE SAID, I a virgin teen, did not do melodrama really well. Ask anyone who knows me. They will roll their eyes in response and there you have it.
But after intense fortification with a bag of popcorn and a Coke, I ultimately made my back upstairs and to my friends...lacking WHATSHISNAME on my arm or even A CLUE who he was...and thusly I was really kind of a cross between seriously disappointed and manic depressed for the rest of the evening and since I couldn't share with ANY of the group of friends I was with...WHY, I had to keep my thoughts to myself for now. CRAP! Here I am with a level of angst that most teens would give their left PIMPLE to have and I...COULD...NOT...SHARE...IT...with anyone which is of course the best part of BEING A TEEN.
ANGST SHARED is a rite of passage reserved for both teenagers of either gender OR Jewish mothers. PERIOD. NOBODY ELSE.
The evening finally ended when the rest of my buds wanted to go for a post-movie ice cream fest and I begged off with some lame excuse like a male menopause attack, early onset of Alzheimers, or something equally ridiculous but which is TOTALLY acceptable in TEEN WORLD. I might have even used the time-tested excuse of needing to rush home and take the 'might-be-pregnant' test...however I have always had a lot of trouble making that sound believable. Dementia seems more plausible with me. Go figure.
Truth is I wanted to go home to bed and spend the rest of the night dreaming of HIM, and whatever else I could conjure up in my teenage writer stable of mental farts to enhance the experience of night wetdreaming of someone I had seen once, FELL ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY THE 'F***' IN LOVE WITH and would more than likely NEVER SEE AGAIN. BUT, I would not dwell on that part until breakfast at least. YEARS FROM NOW...and in the meantime I would remain ever hopeful as most teens are only capable of angst and hope.. As it turned out that was a really good plan. YUP. Really good, because...
Saturday came two days later and the aforementioned group of 'teenage mental retard overtestyruined zealots of the dance til you drop, never do a lick of work or thinking, NADA HOMEWORK until finals week, and shop til your parents credit cards melt school of thinking', if you can call it that. YES, WE DECIDED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY to go to the MALL...OMG THE MALL...THE F''ING MALL, and visually diss and grope everyone and everything within spitting distance of "WE THE IN CROWD", or so we imagined ourselves. Actually we were, but we hardly qualified for the Guiness Book level of IN CROWDERS, but you couldn't convince any of US of that,,,OH HELL NO.
Anyway, there we were...a large bunch of teenage mutant Ninja doofuses, all adenoids, pimples and angst..wending our way through Crossroads Mall (THE MAJOR SUPERREGIONAL MALL IN THE AREA WHERE JUST EVERYONE WHO IS ANYONE GOES ON SATURDAYS, doncha know) when...OH MAH GAWD. Part II.
There he was and up closer this time
"GEEZ. HE IS A Goddamn HUNK," I whined to myself...afraid to keep looking at him for fear I might literally explode as punishment for such insolence.
EEEK. CLOSER. MIRROR TIME, which I pulled out of my shoulder bag/purse/keeper of the GOODS, and did a record-breaking visual inspection of MOI. Brain storage receptacle to stuff picker upper by toes thingy...aka FEET. AND HE WAS EVEN MORE GAWJUS THAN I HAD REMEMBERED, EVEN WITH MY MEMORY ENHANCED MODE SET ON STUN DURING MY INCREASINGLY ALL-THE-TIME DREAMSCAPE thingus. GAWJUS. Yes, I was dreamy of him during lunch, study period, homeroom, bathroom breaks and in other words PRETTY MUCH NONSTOP, without a CLUE why and not enough maturity to be able to figure out why without a thesaurus and an emotional road mad PLUS the HUMAN OWNERS MANUAL, which comes in a lovely leather bound with gold leaf edition suitable for framing and also available in convenient pocket size and humongous versions. ALSO I am told now on Kindle, but I have the large hardcover version which is too heavy to lift and too long to read and so...
This boy while unknown to me to be the future of ME, was and is almost ethnic looking, semi-dark complected, the most intensely beautiful eyes I had ever seen...and thin to the point of being an at-least potential 3rd world famine relief recipient but which is the look ALL teens aspire to if one is to be considered one of the 'IN CROWD' such as we and JUST AS FAST AS I SAW HIM, he disappeared. AGAIN! WTF? What is WITH THIS DUDE? OR ME? Spinach in my teeth? Perhaps my eyes crossed somewhere below my knees? WHAT? HE F'ING DISAPPEARED...AGAIN...CRAP! THIS is getting teejus.
BTW, at this point you might be wondering how in the heck any teen dude of the normally quite normal type could be so obsessed with another guy to the point of almost-wet daydreaming AND YET not have a clue he is GAY? Anyone over the age of 30 will have NO clue as to why that is, but anyone UNDER 20 will immediately understand, look at you with rolling eyes while saying something TOTALLY inane without answering the question, ask to borrow money and leave while you stand scratching your head.
This is one of the more classic moves for anyone still short of adulthood. Never answer a question about anything directly and ALWAYS ask for money JUST IN CASE. Never hurts you know. Especially if the present adult is distracted, mostly asleep, or vulnerable for whatever reason like a fight with the spouse. STRIKE while the iron is in the STEAM position and then GET THE HELL AWAY from them before pragmatism has a chance to rear its ugly head.
Trust me, if you are over 30 none of this makes any sense.
Under 20? Makes PERFECT sense but that telltale smile tells the tale. It says you know you have it ALL OVER the 'rents and always will...until YOU become a 'rent in turn and it is specifically that but also refers to all adults in general and then the cycle begins all over again.
I stood there and watched the ALMOST love of my life DISAPPEAR into what was obviously a video store, and while trying DESPERATELY to appear nonchalent I immediately picked up speed leaving a hole in the marble floor of the mall corridor and spun gravel to a distance approaching lights in space and while TOTALLY uninvolved in ANY of these shenanigans to any casual observer, I sped AT WARP SPEED to the entrance of CROSSROADS VIDEO, aptly named since if it had been in RiverTown Mall it would have not made any sense at all.
I skidded to a stop, leaving a trail of black marks on BOTH the marble AND the carpet leading into the store...feeling inordinately proud of MY contribution to the overall mall decor, and stood BREATHLESS and panting while simultaneously trying to appear TOTALLY UNAFFECTED in my emotions to the point of being uawares of even his very existence...by my discovery of this GOD in skinny jeans, a tank top and open-toed sandals (OMG) and at that point I already knew he was MY HERO, and I had NOT A CLUE not only that he was but why. WAY TO GO DOOFUS TIMES 2. Cause I was by now convinced HE didn't have a clue about me either. Wrong, but I will get to that.
Yes, utimately I would prove right but only partly. Course, he didn't have a clue of any of this because he had as yet not seen me or so I thought. Actually, one of the first times I began to realize he was far more aware of things than I had at first thought was that he eventually made it clear he had not only seen me already in the mall, but he had looked up and seen me on the staircase in the theatre and now claims he knew as well 'I WAS IT' for him too.
"Oh REALLY, mister...uh, perfect person. Duh."
NOT FAIR. DOOFUS IS BRIGHT. AND DEVIOUS. Hmmm...this just might work out after all. But for now I was totally UNaware that HE WAS AWARE of me, and plotting. GOD I LOVE TEEN MINDS. Plotting is another standard of excellence for any teenager worthy of the name. If you aren't plotting you probably have already accomplished whatever OR you are FAKING teendom and shall be arrested if found out and sentenced to adulthood posthaste. EEEK!
Ok, to be fair, I was not thinking straight. For the first time in my life I was definitely NOT thinking 'straight' and that threw me off. That was what I had convinced myself I was used to even though I wasn't and NOTHING in me suggested even the slightest hint I might be straight, but try to convince a teenager of worth that he is one thing instead of his preconceived notion of him or herself. THIS was making me think illogically, cause love even in its infancy is like that you know. Yep. Makes one a bit insane and what I did next proves it.
CROSSROADS VIDEO STORE AND VICTORY (maybe)
I followed my future whatever everywhere in that store, from a safe distance of course, while my friends looked on in bewilderment. He went here and there and so did I. He zigged I zigged. He zagged I zagged. From the relative safety of the next aisle of course.
I got so good really fast that its a wonder I wasn't arrested. LOL.
"HAH! My plan is working.
What plan?
Never mind I am making it up as I go along.
What I thought!
SELF TO SELF: SHUT THE 'F' UP.
That's what I thought. GOOFUS."
Anyway, after all I figured, he wouldn't or couldn't jump the shelving units and come leaping over them until he had jumped me and then had his way with me, now could he. Absol....what the hell was I thinking? Insane, no. Borderline nuts? No.
WHAT I WAS was hell-bent for daffyness certifiable. Crazy as a loon. Over the top...literally, because JUST as I was thinking he couldn't or wouldn't do the unthinkable like leaping over a solid row of video game bins (they were unbreachable and electrified I was sure...oh, yes. So he just COULDN'T...for fear of damaging something vital and I was convinced EVERY PART OF HIM WAS VITAL, especially...) but then...
HE DID. OH YES HE DID. BAM!
One minute I was safe and the next he came SAILING OVER the bins stretching next to me like a long line of highway barricades but loaded with a treasure trove of goodies...and then I found myself surrounded by STONE HUNKUS and had a mouthful of his tongue in my mouth to prove it. He f'ing grabbed me and pulled me so tight against him the fly buttons on my skinnies would have popped IF there had been enough room to do so, which there wasn't.
OMG. I BEEN TONGUED. I am now dead and rendered so by the actions of the tongue of wonderhunk.
I'm not sure if that was before or after I died, of either embarrassment or surprise or tongue in my cheek or what, but...
He was holding me so tight I was damn near inside his jeans with him, and his blood was now coursing through my veins and omg. He was working his tongue against mine to a point it was hard to tell whose was whose and DANG that felt good. What Mall, what friends, what sanity...
At least three days passed as I got a good going over from the inside out sorta, and I fainted and died over and over and didn't for once care. It felt way too good. Did I mention him grinding his hips against mine? Probably not because by now my tongue and mouth were much like my brain. DEAD.
Stone cold dead and the flowers lovely, the eulogy magnifi...oh crap.
But trust me. I was now the MOST ALIVE DEAD THING YOU EVER SAW. My spine was so tingly it was vibrating along with the rest of me. HOT DAMN...but I really must stop this. I MEAN. What will the neighbors think, the townsfolk, my friends...my FRIENDS. OMG. MY, uh...
Brain don't fail me now. I have to come up with A REALLY GOOD EXCUSE or I am RUINED. MY young life is OVER, and I will have to change my name and move to somewhere nobody knows my name. Either one of them, and...oh hell. Maybe he will just keep kissing me forever and I won't have to do anything. Everyone else will get tired eventually and leave and the store will close and we will.....omg...
Perhaps it was THEN I died. Or not. I didn't know anything anymore and wasn't sure I ever had. I didn't even know where my toes were anymore. and cared not a scintilla or any of those tilly thinguses.
CHAPTER III
RISING FROM THE DEAD
I remember it was a late spring night my senior year in high school and almost to finals. It had been a warm day but the nights still were remaining unusually cool for mid-May...and so a group of us who had been studying together decided that instead of a dip in the pool we would head into town and go to a movie to break the monotony of homework and prepping for finals.
I don't remember what the movie was that we saw, probably something totally unmemorable, but during intermission it happened. Suddenly as I made my way down one of the two staircases to the already crowded and fast filling up lobby, I looked across the room and there he was.
I didn't have a clue who HE was, but all I DID know is...HE WAS.
BIG TIME HE WAS.
I felt my heart go bling, my bling went bling bling and at the very first sight of him my knees damn near betrayed my normally uber-kewl demeanor which would have not been at all kewl, Actually, I have never been all that kewl (uber or otherwise) but instead very very shy and I try to cover that with a sense of what often comes across as arrogance or detachment when in truth I have never been either one. Creative types often have to struggle with expressing themselves in ways that involve emotions other than in the way they usually do when creating. Painting, sculpting, or like me...writing. Writing and music. Those two things define me pretty much to a T.
I looked and couldn't stop looking down and across and finally when my mind once again found the way to my feet...ordered them to move and down the stairs I went DETERMINED to find this, this...this...
I didn't know. For someone who would eventually become a successful author, I was failing miserably at finding the words to express what I was feeling at that moment. Breathless with fear, surprise, whatever...I went. BUT, when after I had pushed and shoved and elbowed my way across the crushing sea of bodies in the lobby below me to where I had seen him, DAMN. He was gone. Whoosh. Disappeared. CRAP!
I was devastated without even really knowing why for what I had done was TOTALLY out of character for me. ME? Chasing after a GUY? ME? WTF?
See, I had as yet to come to terms with my 'orientation' and in truth a lot of other things too, like those normally reserved for pre-pubesence or early adulthood but I was sheltered, sad to say. Yup. In fact I had been so sheltered that I was frequently accused of having been raised by wolves in the forest. LOL. So, I was and still am GAY, but blissfully unaware of it. Ignorant but hopeful. I had had certain feelings for a long time but credited them to indigestion, flukes, teen drives sexual or otherwise, etc. Never ONCE did I consider I might be one of 'them', aka 'THE GAY'. Even though all the classic signs had been there from earliest memory and I had never found girls at all attractive sexually or romantically. Friends yes, anything more NO. Absolutely NO. Definitely NO. MY GOD. How much more evidence does even an emotional teen dunce like me need. Lot more evidently, or maybe just have needed some outrageously hunky dude to come show me who I really am. Could THIS DUDE BE 'THE ONE?' Like I said, NOT A CLUE. Not me anyway. Him? Well, we shall see.
"This can't be happening," I told myself. Repeatedly.
"I must be asleep, in my bed at home, and dreaming of someone else from another planet more than likely," but it was no good. Pinching myself didn't do any good either. Nope, here I was...TOTALLY AWAKE, which left me with neither an explanation for my behavior NOR a good excuse why I had just gone insane. "ME? Going all gooey inside and bonkers and sweating profusely and knowing I wanted to know him? ME? No. AHHH, but sad to say, yes. Pfui.
This was the VERY FIRST TIME I had ever seen whatshisname (didn't know at this point and GOD I wanted to...trust me) and being a newbie at such matters, I was not only devastated but CRUSHED in a way that only upper teenage virgins with delusions of sophistication can be. OH MAH GAWD, MY HERO HAS VANISHED, followed by a volley of tears suitable for entry in the waterworks olympics. NEVER LET IT BE SAID, I a virgin teen, did not do melodrama really well. Ask anyone who knows me. They will roll their eyes in response and there you have it.
But after intense fortification with a bag of popcorn and a Coke, I ultimately made my back upstairs and to my friends...lacking WHATSHISNAME on my arm or even A CLUE who he was...and thusly I was really kind of a cross between seriously disappointed and manic depressed for the rest of the evening and since I couldn't share with ANY of the group of friends I was with...WHY, I had to keep my thoughts to myself for now. CRAP! Here I am with a level of angst that most teens would give their left PIMPLE to have and I...COULD...NOT...SHARE...IT...with anyone which is of course the best part of BEING A TEEN.
ANGST SHARED is a rite of passage reserved for both teenagers of either gender OR Jewish mothers. PERIOD. NOBODY ELSE.
The evening finally ended when the rest of my buds wanted to go for a post-movie ice cream fest and I begged off with some lame excuse like a male menopause attack, early onset of Alzheimers, or something equally ridiculous but which is TOTALLY acceptable in TEEN WORLD. I might have even used the time-tested excuse of needing to rush home and take the 'might-be-pregnant' test...however I have always had a lot of trouble making that sound believable. Dementia seems more plausible with me. Go figure.
Truth is I wanted to go home to bed and spend the rest of the night dreaming of HIM, and whatever else I could conjure up in my teenage writer stable of mental farts to enhance the experience of night wetdreaming of someone I had seen once, FELL ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY THE 'F***' IN LOVE WITH and would more than likely NEVER SEE AGAIN. BUT, I would not dwell on that part until breakfast at least. YEARS FROM NOW...and in the meantime I would remain ever hopeful as most teens are only capable of angst and hope.. As it turned out that was a really good plan. YUP. Really good, because...
Saturday came two days later and the aforementioned group of 'teenage mental retard overtestyruined zealots of the dance til you drop, never do a lick of work or thinking, NADA HOMEWORK until finals week, and shop til your parents credit cards melt school of thinking', if you can call it that. YES, WE DECIDED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY to go to the MALL...OMG THE MALL...THE F''ING MALL, and visually diss and grope everyone and everything within spitting distance of "WE THE IN CROWD", or so we imagined ourselves. Actually we were, but we hardly qualified for the Guiness Book level of IN CROWDERS, but you couldn't convince any of US of that,,,OH HELL NO.
Anyway, there we were...a large bunch of teenage mutant Ninja doofuses, all adenoids, pimples and angst..wending our way through Crossroads Mall (THE MAJOR SUPERREGIONAL MALL IN THE AREA WHERE JUST EVERYONE WHO IS ANYONE GOES ON SATURDAYS, doncha know) when...OH MAH GAWD. Part II.
There he was and up closer this time
"GEEZ. HE IS A Goddamn HUNK," I whined to myself...afraid to keep looking at him for fear I might literally explode as punishment for such insolence.
EEEK. CLOSER. MIRROR TIME, which I pulled out of my shoulder bag/purse/keeper of the GOODS, and did a record-breaking visual inspection of MOI. Brain storage receptacle to stuff picker upper by toes thingy...aka FEET. AND HE WAS EVEN MORE GAWJUS THAN I HAD REMEMBERED, EVEN WITH MY MEMORY ENHANCED MODE SET ON STUN DURING MY INCREASINGLY ALL-THE-TIME DREAMSCAPE thingus. GAWJUS. Yes, I was dreamy of him during lunch, study period, homeroom, bathroom breaks and in other words PRETTY MUCH NONSTOP, without a CLUE why and not enough maturity to be able to figure out why without a thesaurus and an emotional road mad PLUS the HUMAN OWNERS MANUAL, which comes in a lovely leather bound with gold leaf edition suitable for framing and also available in convenient pocket size and humongous versions. ALSO I am told now on Kindle, but I have the large hardcover version which is too heavy to lift and too long to read and so...
This boy while unknown to me to be the future of ME, was and is almost ethnic looking, semi-dark complected, the most intensely beautiful eyes I had ever seen...and thin to the point of being an at-least potential 3rd world famine relief recipient but which is the look ALL teens aspire to if one is to be considered one of the 'IN CROWD' such as we and JUST AS FAST AS I SAW HIM, he disappeared. AGAIN! WTF? What is WITH THIS DUDE? OR ME? Spinach in my teeth? Perhaps my eyes crossed somewhere below my knees? WHAT? HE F'ING DISAPPEARED...AGAIN...CRAP! THIS is getting teejus.
BTW, at this point you might be wondering how in the heck any teen dude of the normally quite normal type could be so obsessed with another guy to the point of almost-wet daydreaming AND YET not have a clue he is GAY? Anyone over the age of 30 will have NO clue as to why that is, but anyone UNDER 20 will immediately understand, look at you with rolling eyes while saying something TOTALLY inane without answering the question, ask to borrow money and leave while you stand scratching your head.
This is one of the more classic moves for anyone still short of adulthood. Never answer a question about anything directly and ALWAYS ask for money JUST IN CASE. Never hurts you know. Especially if the present adult is distracted, mostly asleep, or vulnerable for whatever reason like a fight with the spouse. STRIKE while the iron is in the STEAM position and then GET THE HELL AWAY from them before pragmatism has a chance to rear its ugly head.
Trust me, if you are over 30 none of this makes any sense.
Under 20? Makes PERFECT sense but that telltale smile tells the tale. It says you know you have it ALL OVER the 'rents and always will...until YOU become a 'rent in turn and it is specifically that but also refers to all adults in general and then the cycle begins all over again.
I stood there and watched the ALMOST love of my life DISAPPEAR into what was obviously a video store, and while trying DESPERATELY to appear nonchalent I immediately picked up speed leaving a hole in the marble floor of the mall corridor and spun gravel to a distance approaching lights in space and while TOTALLY uninvolved in ANY of these shenanigans to any casual observer, I sped AT WARP SPEED to the entrance of CROSSROADS VIDEO, aptly named since if it had been in RiverTown Mall it would have not made any sense at all.
I skidded to a stop, leaving a trail of black marks on BOTH the marble AND the carpet leading into the store...feeling inordinately proud of MY contribution to the overall mall decor, and stood BREATHLESS and panting while simultaneously trying to appear TOTALLY UNAFFECTED in my emotions to the point of being uawares of even his very existence...by my discovery of this GOD in skinny jeans, a tank top and open-toed sandals (OMG) and at that point I already knew he was MY HERO, and I had NOT A CLUE not only that he was but why. WAY TO GO DOOFUS TIMES 2. Cause I was by now convinced HE didn't have a clue about me either. Wrong, but I will get to that.
Yes, utimately I would prove right but only partly. Course, he didn't have a clue of any of this because he had as yet not seen me or so I thought. Actually, one of the first times I began to realize he was far more aware of things than I had at first thought was that he eventually made it clear he had not only seen me already in the mall, but he had looked up and seen me on the staircase in the theatre and now claims he knew as well 'I WAS IT' for him too.
"Oh REALLY, mister...uh, perfect person. Duh."
NOT FAIR. DOOFUS IS BRIGHT. AND DEVIOUS. Hmmm...this just might work out after all. But for now I was totally UNaware that HE WAS AWARE of me, and plotting. GOD I LOVE TEEN MINDS. Plotting is another standard of excellence for any teenager worthy of the name. If you aren't plotting you probably have already accomplished whatever OR you are FAKING teendom and shall be arrested if found out and sentenced to adulthood posthaste. EEEK!
Ok, to be fair, I was not thinking straight. For the first time in my life I was definitely NOT thinking 'straight' and that threw me off. That was what I had convinced myself I was used to even though I wasn't and NOTHING in me suggested even the slightest hint I might be straight, but try to convince a teenager of worth that he is one thing instead of his preconceived notion of him or herself. THIS was making me think illogically, cause love even in its infancy is like that you know. Yep. Makes one a bit insane and what I did next proves it.
CROSSROADS VIDEO STORE AND VICTORY (maybe)
I followed my future whatever everywhere in that store, from a safe distance of course, while my friends looked on in bewilderment. He went here and there and so did I. He zigged I zigged. He zagged I zagged. From the relative safety of the next aisle of course.
I got so good really fast that its a wonder I wasn't arrested. LOL.
"HAH! My plan is working.
What plan?
Never mind I am making it up as I go along.
What I thought!
SELF TO SELF: SHUT THE 'F' UP.
That's what I thought. GOOFUS."
Anyway, after all I figured, he wouldn't or couldn't jump the shelving units and come leaping over them until he had jumped me and then had his way with me, now could he. Absol....what the hell was I thinking? Insane, no. Borderline nuts? No.
WHAT I WAS was hell-bent for daffyness certifiable. Crazy as a loon. Over the top...literally, because JUST as I was thinking he couldn't or wouldn't do the unthinkable like leaping over a solid row of video game bins (they were unbreachable and electrified I was sure...oh, yes. So he just COULDN'T...for fear of damaging something vital and I was convinced EVERY PART OF HIM WAS VITAL, especially...) but then...
HE DID. OH YES HE DID. BAM!
One minute I was safe and the next he came SAILING OVER the bins stretching next to me like a long line of highway barricades but loaded with a treasure trove of goodies...and then I found myself surrounded by STONE HUNKUS and had a mouthful of his tongue in my mouth to prove it. He f'ing grabbed me and pulled me so tight against him the fly buttons on my skinnies would have popped IF there had been enough room to do so, which there wasn't.
OMG. I BEEN TONGUED. I am now dead and rendered so by the actions of the tongue of wonderhunk.
I'm not sure if that was before or after I died, of either embarrassment or surprise or tongue in my cheek or what, but...
He was holding me so tight I was damn near inside his jeans with him, and his blood was now coursing through my veins and omg. He was working his tongue against mine to a point it was hard to tell whose was whose and DANG that felt good. What Mall, what friends, what sanity...
At least three days passed as I got a good going over from the inside out sorta, and I fainted and died over and over and didn't for once care. It felt way too good. Did I mention him grinding his hips against mine? Probably not because by now my tongue and mouth were much like my brain. DEAD.
Stone cold dead and the flowers lovely, the eulogy magnifi...oh crap.
But trust me. I was now the MOST ALIVE DEAD THING YOU EVER SAW. My spine was so tingly it was vibrating along with the rest of me. HOT DAMN...but I really must stop this. I MEAN. What will the neighbors think, the townsfolk, my friends...my FRIENDS. OMG. MY, uh...
Brain don't fail me now. I have to come up with A REALLY GOOD EXCUSE or I am RUINED. MY young life is OVER, and I will have to change my name and move to somewhere nobody knows my name. Either one of them, and...oh hell. Maybe he will just keep kissing me forever and I won't have to do anything. Everyone else will get tired eventually and leave and the store will close and we will.....omg...
Perhaps it was THEN I died. Or not. I didn't know anything anymore and wasn't sure I ever had. I didn't even know where my toes were anymore. and cared not a scintilla or any of those tilly thinguses.
CHAPTER III
RISING FROM THE DEAD
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