NOW:
I have to say. My Joey or as I call him my Boo...is a contradiction in terms often.
For example, he leaves me sitting in the car when we get home, bounding out of it himself and striding off to the house seemingly as if he has already forgotten I drove the car home. BUT, then he will be incredibly protective, even territorial, when he senses I might be in trouble or in danger of some sort. He has driven the medical professionals so prevalent during my recent hospital escapades...CRAZY, with his endeavors to be everywhere at once, know everything about my condition and especially my prognosis, and makes himself a virtual pest all the while trying to seem casual at which he, like me, fails miserably.
Once he has become convinced I might survive another night, off he goes again as if I am invisible which I accuse him of often...all much to my consternation. On the one hand he proves he loves me with an intensity that is almost absurd in its depth by making himself and everyone else including me BONKERS by his actions and then almost but not quite proving by his other actions that he doesn't. Go figure. Please. I've tried and I can't.
Once he has become convinced I might survive another night, off he goes again as if I am invisible which I accuse him of often...all much to my consternation. On the one hand he proves he loves me with an intensity that is almost absurd in its depth by making himself and everyone else including me BONKERS by his actions and then almost but not quite proving by his other actions that he doesn't. Go figure. Please. I've tried and I can't.
See, I am a bit more even-tempered and steady handed in the matter of relationships. I love you with everything I got or not at all. PERIOD. You NEVER need to wonder about how I feel. I have been accused of wearing my heart on my sleeve but I prefer to call it simply being in touch with the reality I find myself in. Either way, that is me. I am in love, everyone knows it because it is terribly obvious...and that is that.
But with Joey, one often isn't always quite too sure of his true feelings about anything, and neither often is he although I KNOW he loves me and that is NOT in dispute. We both also know this is IT for both of us. We want each other, want a life together and that as they say is that. Period.
However, he can be hard to read which makes it frustrating to someone like me who is more than a bit insecure in love and needs a lot of affirmation especially in the beginning. The fact that he is not exactly a hopeless romantic as I am is hardly reassuring by a long shot and really feeds into those same insecurities which is where most of the trouble we frequently find ourselves in emanates from in me.
Perhaps it is not so much that he isn't a hopeless romantic and I definitely am but he is mixed bipolar which makes expressing his emotions VERY difficult. I have Social Anxiety Disorder which has the same effect. So it has been a bit of an adventure trying to unlearn lifelong behaviors AND learn how to make sure we DO express our love in ways we both know where we stand and our love has a sense of security you really need when you become vulnerable and falling in love certainly does make you feel insecure and vulnerable especially at the outset.
So we have stumbled, fallen, gotten up and dusted off and started over. We have had knock-down drag out fights which really are about feelings of insecurity and that awkwardness that comes when you are insecure while trying to learn how to be a couple. Couple of retard misfits methinks. But as I have said, we fight yes, but WE ALWAYS wind up in each others arms, saying 'I love you' and then proving it. For some couples this is the 'Standard Operating Procedure'.
I keep hoping we will get through this part, survive it, and go on. We are still trying to do that. But hope springs eternal and the one saving grace for US is WE BOTH are COMMITTED to a life together and no turning back. PERIOD. END OF DOUBT. WE ARE, and we shall remain...IF WE DON'T KILL EACH OTHER FIRST. LOL.
But with Joey, one often isn't always quite too sure of his true feelings about anything, and neither often is he although I KNOW he loves me and that is NOT in dispute. We both also know this is IT for both of us. We want each other, want a life together and that as they say is that. Period.
However, he can be hard to read which makes it frustrating to someone like me who is more than a bit insecure in love and needs a lot of affirmation especially in the beginning. The fact that he is not exactly a hopeless romantic as I am is hardly reassuring by a long shot and really feeds into those same insecurities which is where most of the trouble we frequently find ourselves in emanates from in me.
Perhaps it is not so much that he isn't a hopeless romantic and I definitely am but he is mixed bipolar which makes expressing his emotions VERY difficult. I have Social Anxiety Disorder which has the same effect. So it has been a bit of an adventure trying to unlearn lifelong behaviors AND learn how to make sure we DO express our love in ways we both know where we stand and our love has a sense of security you really need when you become vulnerable and falling in love certainly does make you feel insecure and vulnerable especially at the outset.
So we have stumbled, fallen, gotten up and dusted off and started over. We have had knock-down drag out fights which really are about feelings of insecurity and that awkwardness that comes when you are insecure while trying to learn how to be a couple. Couple of retard misfits methinks. But as I have said, we fight yes, but WE ALWAYS wind up in each others arms, saying 'I love you' and then proving it. For some couples this is the 'Standard Operating Procedure'.
I keep hoping we will get through this part, survive it, and go on. We are still trying to do that. But hope springs eternal and the one saving grace for US is WE BOTH are COMMITTED to a life together and no turning back. PERIOD. END OF DOUBT. WE ARE, and we shall remain...IF WE DON'T KILL EACH OTHER FIRST. LOL.
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